February 27, 2009

Heartfelt thanks to everyone who left supportive comments about yesterday’s entry.  I don’t know what I’d do without you guys.  When I don’t know where else to turn, I can always count on this community to be there for me.

A couple of people mentioned antidepressants.  I’ve been on a few different kinds, but the side effects made me feel even more depressed.

You know that saying “I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy?”  Well, that doesn’t apply here.  I do wish that every one who has ever been insensitive to my ordeal could experience what I have to live with every single day of my life.  Don’t get me wrong.  I wouldn’t wish anybody a lifetime of this nightmare, but a week should do it.

I’m quite sure that I handle this situation far better than some others would.  I make a Herculean effort to keep the complaining to a minimum.  Of course, I am human, so I do have to let it out now and then.  But, for the most part, I think I’m pretty good at keeping my agony to myself.

Dealing with insensitivity is another thing entirely.  I shouldn’t have to bear that on top of everything else.  It is so demeaning and makes me feel undervalued.  It also pisses me off.

I didn’t do anything wrong.  I didn’t ask for this.  If anything, I should be commended for the tasks I do tackle, even though those things cause a significant increase in pain.

I am so sick of it all.  Sick of hurting.  Sick of putting on the happy face.  Sick of being made to feel that I am lacking.  It’s just so… sickening.

Song of the Day:  Sick and Tired by Everclear

I break every day
Stressed out in every kind of way
I am sick and tired of bein’ sick and tired
All I need and crave
Loud life with the power to fade
I am livin’ ’cause I keep it all in, keep it all inside
Yeah, I keep it all in, keep it all inside

10 Responses to “Sick”

  1. LA said

    Keep blogging it, hon. This is THE place to have your say without edit, interuption, or apology. ~LA

  2. mercystreet said

    I think LA is right this is the place to say what you want. Where I used to work they would have a day where healthy people would have to be handicapped for one day. That way we all could understand what others have to do on a daily basis.
    It was a good thing.

  3. Sasha said

    Your venting is always a welcome thing if it helps you. I don’t know if it is any comfort to you that you -are- an inspiration but yes, you really are.

  4. debbie said

    fibromyalgia is nothing to sneeze at and im sure that sinus problems arent either so heres wishing you less pain in both areas and no more pain in all aspects, not even any pain in the asses. who needs that?

  5. Sheryl said

    Hi Stephanie, I’m a faithful reader of yours that rarely comments, but I just have to let you know, I am with you. I deal with chronic and irreversable pain as well, so I totally understand how the pain and depression intertwine with each other. I read your blog because you insprire me to keep on, so I wish there was something I could do to repay you. I can only send you some “feel good” vibes from the other side of the continents.

    Take care of yourself!

  6. terri t. said

    sorry to hear that you are not feeling well…and so sorry people have no clue how hard you work on being “normal”. Wish you could get some relief and feel stronger one of these days.

  7. medication? If u can, don’t take them. doctors recommend what they know and what pharma companies tells them to recommend. Try other solutions to beat depression…

  8. I don’t know how you do it, Stephanie. And I’m sure you have those periods of darkness. Just hang in there and know that we care about you and if you need to vent – vent away! God, that’s so lame. I want to fix you. Wish I could!

  9. yaketyyak said

    I wish you could fix me, too, Kathy! Buying your jewelry seems to help, as do all these wonderfully positive and encouraging comments from lots of terrific people!

  10. Fay said

    If this question annoys you, I am SO SORRY: Do you meditate, or do any sort of ritual de-stressing each day? I have two friends in your age range with fibromyalgia, and it has helped them both tremendously.

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