Living Each Day to the Emptiest

January 12, 2008

According to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, “It’s only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth, and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up, that we begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had.”

I wish I could say that I’ve been living each day to the fullest, but, alas, I cannot. Besides work, and a visit with my grandmother last Sunday, I don’t think I’ve been out of the house since Christmas. The increased pain in my lower back is really getting to me, and turning me into a shut-in.

Every single morning, between 2:30 and 3:30, the pain wakes me up. As I lie there, gathering the strength to turn onto my side, I picture a magician sawing his or her assistant in half. That’s what the pain reminds me of.

Lately, when I get out of bed at 4:30, I feel like an old lady, bent and slow moving. (Since I started drinking Monavie, at least I don’t feel tired when I wake up, and the Fibromyalgia symptoms have been greatly reduced, but, unfortunately, the juice can’t fix my lower lumbar spine problems.) It’s not too bad at work because I am busy and preoccupied, but, once I get home and allow my body to relax, I become more aware of the pain.

I last saw my doctor on November 7th. At that time, he requested authorization for another MRI, with and without contrast. Last week, I sent my attorney a letter stating my opinion that two months is an unreasonable amount of time to wait for authorization, and asking if there was anything we could do to get the ball rolling. It was no surprise that I did not receive a response.

I also contacted the doctor’s office to see if they could help me. The woman I spoke to said she would call the insurance company. A week went by and I didn’t hear anything, so I called again on Wednesday. The secretary said she had left a message for the person in charge of my case, but he did not return her call. She said she would try again and get back to me.

She did get back to me fairly quickly this time, with good news, to boot. Even though she was still not able to reach Mr. Case Manager, she did speak to someone else, and was able to get authorization for the MRI. The procedure is scheduled for the 16th. Hallelujah!

Another thing I have to be thankful for is that both Rebecca and Leigh made the Dean’s List. Hurray for them!

I was also given a reason to smile while watching House  earlier in the week. It was a repeat of the very first episode, which I had never seen before. Much to my delight, I learned that Dr. House is a General Hospital  fan. In one scene, Dr. House asks if there is a TV handy because General Hospital  is about to go on. In another, they actually show Dr. House watching a scene featuring Sonny and Jason, and later, Monica Quartermaine. Too cool.

A couple of days ago, I did a web search to see if I could find any references to Dr. House’s fascination with General Hospital. Not only did I come across a mention in Wikipedia (under General Hospital’s “Cultural impact”), but I also discovered that there is actually a blog devoted to “House M.D. References to General Hospital.” Sometimes I really love the Internet.

I’d better wrap this up and go get ready for my appointment at the Post Office to submit an application for a passport. I’ll need one for a fishing trip to Canada with my father, brother and sisters planned for this summer. Have a good weekend.

Song of the Day: Shut-In  by Dirt Bike Annie


21 Responses to “Living Each Day to the Emptiest”

  1. I just saw that old House episode too. I am so in love with House.
    I am glad you were able to get your MRI moved up to an earlier date.

  2. LeAnn said

    I’m happy that you are finally getting your MRI. I hate that you had to wait so long! I hope you don’t give up on your workers comp claim. My landlady told me it took about two years before her work had to pay her a claim for her injured back. She said they denied everything and fought her all the way but she finally won a nice settlement. I’m really amazed at Monavie. I’m out now, of course but it wasn’t just me who noticed a difference. Others noticed too and asked me about it. So I told them about the Monavie. In fact I feel so much better that I think I may not go on disability and see if I can handle a job. I want to be able to afford the Monavie. I would never have believed it if you hadn’t sent it to mem so I could actually try it!! Thank you so much!!! Good for your girls on making the Dean’s list!!

  3. kitchenlogic said

    Oh god. That pain that wakes you up in the middle of the night and you have to work up the gumption just to turn over. I only wish I didn’t know that feeling. I really am sorry that you’re going through this. I hope the MRI will get you the exact help you’ll need to get pain-free.

  4. LA said

    THERE you are! Mick and I were about to come bust the door down and rescue you from beneath that armoire you were trapped under!

    Actually I just spoke to Daniel. I’ll catch up with you this arvo. We’re going to Hyde Park and after FDR’s place we’re having lunch at the Ever Ready. Yuuuuuuummmmm!

    Love you far too much to be at all proper, ~LA

  5. Finally! I hope that the MRI goes well and they can do something to get your back working the way that it should…you start getting some relief on the fibro front (and increased energy too) only to have the lower back knock you out again. {{{{Hugs}}}}

  6. Sunshyn said

    Have you tried ice? I know, it’s winter and it’s cold, but ice often helps me. Also, if I do gentle ab work on a stability ball, I strengthen my core and things get better in there. Also, I love my sleep number bed… Glad you finally posted something this year!

  7. Sasha said

    Stephanie. 😦 I remember when I hurt my lower back and simply turning over in bed was excruciating. That only lasted a week and a half for me and I can’t imagine having that kind of pain and discomfort any longer. I’m -so- glad you were able to get your auth! xoxo

  8. Allison said

    I’m so sorry that you are in so much pain! 😦 Good luck with the MRI! And that’s really cool about House loving GH.

  9. What a shame that you had to be the one who kept “picking away” to get the MRI set up. but I am happy that you got an appt. quickly. Hope they find something they can do to get you some relief.
    Congratulations to both girls….that’s a fine job.
    We got our passports about a year ago…it didn’t take long at all to get them back in the mail.

  10. Pam L said

    Congrats on the girl’s Dean’s Listings, sorry to hear about the uber back pain, and I also saw the first House episode, which I had also not seen before. I noticed it was a little different than the later shows and then saw that it was the first one, I guess that explains it. He is a master of hiding that English accent without overdoing it. Eddie Izzard hasn’t quite gotten there yet, and I like him better as a comedian and/or a transvestite, but that’s another story.

  11. jjames3157 said

    Clam! I know about doctors and insurance, a bit – Mostly dogs, they are. Anyway, I’m sorry you have to deal with it in addition to your pain. Keep on their backs, calling and faxing and writing letters: be eloquent and respectful, but demand your rights, demand treatment, and don’t settle! In my experience the only way you’ll ever get anything more than the absolute minimum is to make yourself too big of a pain in the ass to ignore.

  12. Michael said

    It’s too bad you had to do most of the work of the people whose job it is to help you, but I’m glad you finally got an authorization for the MRI. I’m sure this will be a big step toward some relief for you.

    I didn’t see the rerun of the first episode of House, but I remember the GH references from the first time I saw it. Unfortunately, it seems that since then he’s been watching a generic fictional soap, sort of like the generic telenovela Ignacio watches on Ugly Betty.

  13. dapoet59 said

    Hello have you ever tried a Chiropractor…I have two vertebra in my neck (c5 & c6) that are fused together that cause me to have pain in my right arm and hand that I thought at first was carpal tunnel syndrome whenever they shift out of place…A regular Chiropractic adjustment is the only treatment that relieves the pain…

  14. LisaL said

    I’m so glad you finally got an appointment for your MRI–keeping my fingers crossed the results are helpful.
    I love the running joke about GH on the show my boyfriend, Hugh Laurie, stars in. Hee. For a few episodes, as I recall, he had a mini TV he’d carry around so that he didn’t miss the show.

  15. Jeanette said

    I hope you can find relief and healing for your back. I have never had back problems myself, but my husband hurt his a few years ago and he was in incredible pain. I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

  16. Jim said

    Three cheers for you for having the determination to fight the medical insurance bureacracy to get what you need. And three cheers to both of your dean’s list daughters. And three more cheers (one each for Monavie, House, and General Hospital). There, that’s a dozen cheers.

  17. Stefani said

    Sorry you had to but glad you did – keep pushing for the MRI. Hope you find relief soon!

  18. Sunday said

    Yay! for Rebecca and Leigh! And yay for you in finally getting somewhere in all this (authorization). ‘Bout time!

    Boo! for the pain. Is there NOTHING they can give you that can relieve it? I know, I know, you may be like my mother–“I don’t want to take any medicine!”, but sometimes it’s necessary. I know I’ll ask for as many pain pills (and as strong as possible) as I can get away with. Then again…I’m thinking that pills won’t actually help. Never mind my drug pushing! 😉

  19. goatbarnwitch said

    Ikea is in Paramus NJ. A bit of a haul but then it only happens once or twice a year which gives it a bit of magic.

  20. chaosdaily said

    its a long story how this came about, but i heard about this product that is an ingredient of monavie… supposedly it is for back and joint pain, the rest of monavie is berry juice and antioxidants. i thought you might be interested…..

  21. Penny said

    Oh Stephanie.. I am worried about you. I had not had a chance to check on your blog for a little due to the normal stuff (like life).

    I really hope you feel better soon.

    Oh I love House too. and watched with glee the first episode a few days ago too.

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