Here Comes Santa Claus

December 11, 2007

Boy, trying to come up with “holdaily” entrees is harder than I thought it would be. I’m running out of material here people! Let’s face it, my life isn’t all that exciting (except for when I get to rub elbows with soap stars, that is.).

This is old news, but I’m going to write about it anyway. A couple of weeks ago, I went to see the one-act play, “SantaLand Diaries,” adapted from Dave Sedaris’ scathingly satiric essay about his experiences while working as an elf (named Crumpet) at Macy’s in New York City. Sedaris first read his essay on National Public Radio on December 23, 1992. It was an immediate success, and led The New York Times to refer to Sedaris as “a minor phenomenon.”

Sunday, December 2nd, was the day after I went to New Jersey to see Bradford Anderson and Steve Burton. I had expected the day to be one of rest and relaxation, and was still lounging around in my pajamas at 1:45 when I got a call from my neighbor. She wanted to know if I was interested in going to see “SantaLand Diaries.” I accepted the invitation, and Ms. Neighbor told me to meet her in her driveway at 2:30. I don’t think I ever got showered and dressed and made up and blow-dried so fast in my life.

The one-man show was well worth the mad dash to get ready. It was insanely funny. Honestly, I laughed so much my cheeks hurt.

Here’s a sample:

Twenty-two thousand people came to see Santa today, and not all of them were well behaved. Today I witnessed fistfights and vomiting and magnificent tantrums. The back hallway was jammed with people. There was a line for Santa and a line for the women’s bathroom. And one woman, after asking me a thousand questions already, asked, “Which is the line for the women’s bathroom?” And I shouted that I thought it was the line with all the women in it. And she said, “I’m gonna have you fired.” I had two people say that to me today, “I’m gonna have you fired.” Go ahead, be my guest. I’m wearing a green velvet costume. It doesn’t get any worse than this. Who do these people think they are? “I’m gonna have you fired.” And I want to lean over and say, “I’m gonna have you killed.”

Song of the Day: Santa Baby  by Eartha Kitt


5 Responses to “Here Comes Santa Claus”

  1. LeAnn said

    I love live Theater. I don’t get to go much though. A couple of months ago my mother and I went to a theatrical reading of ‘The Grapes of Wrath’ which was pretty cool. I know you don’t care to go into the city much, but do you ever go to see a Broadway play? I think if I lived up there, it would be one of my favorite things to do.

  2. I can well imagine that play had a lot of truth in it. Nothing funnier than telling “war stories”. My husband is a retired policeman and now works in the legal dept of a city government. Son works as a dispatcher for the police, fire, 911 sectors. You would not believe the stories they can tell.
    Hope you continue to enjoy the holiday season…sounds like you are doing a good job in celebrating that Simple Abundance suggestion you blogged about a few days ago.

  3. Penny said

    I LOVE Dave Sedaris. Its so funny to listen to him talk about his family on NPR. I have waited a few times in the grosery store parking lot for a story to get over before going in.

  4. You MUST read his books! You’ll never laugh so hard in your life. Just don’t read them in public, because people will think you’re having a fit of some kind. Start with “Holidays On Ice” for more holiday-themed stories.

  5. Joan said

    OK, now I’ve got to head over to Amazon to find this guy’s books!…My son needs a job – and he looks good in green – thanks for the idea because I’m sending him to the mall right now!

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