March 24, 2006

An unacceptable situation with my daughter’s college roommate has created a distraction from my preoccupation with pain. The dorm living arrangements have been unpleasant for a while, but are now intolerable. The roommate’s boyfriend visits almost every weekend. He often arrives on Thursday, and doesn’t leave until Monday. He is an unregistered and unwelcome guest. None of the suitemates like him, and they have complained to Ms. Roommate, her boyfriend, and the Resident Director. Nothing changed. Until I got involved.During the boyfriend’s visits, Rebecca has on several occasions been LOCKED OUT OF HER OWN DORM ROOM because the couple wanted privacy. At times when she has been in the room with them, they have been all over each other, engaging in overtly demonstrative behavior, despite her presence. Ms. Roommate admitted to my daughter that she and her boyfriend have had sex while Rebecca was sleeping. This makes Rebecca uncomfortable enough to leave, which is probably the couple’s intention.In addition, Ms. Roommate removes Rebecca’s few food items from the refrigerator they share (and for which we paid half the rental cost), so she can stuff it full of her own food. She has moved Rebecca’s personal belongings. She has had friends sleep in Rebecca’s bed when Becca was home for the weekend. She has given away gallons of Rebecca’s bottled water. She leaves a mess in the shower, and garbage all over the place.

Rebecca has sat in an empty conference room and cried because she was locked out of her room and had nowhere else to go. She has felt the need to sleep elsewhere when Ms. Roommate’s boyfriend has been there on school nights. Rebecca comes home just about EVERY WEEKEND because the situation has become so unbearable. For this I’m paying room and board?

Several days ago, I called the college and spoke to someone at Residential Life, but did not feel that the situation was adequately addressed. It was suggested to me that Rebecca and/or her suitemates should call the police, since the boyfriend is an unregistered guest. Perhaps they will do that now that I have informed them that this is an option, but I thought it would be more appropriate for the University to do something first.

I was also asked if Rebecca would be willing to switch rooms. Yes, she would (and most likely will), but she has already moved once – at the request of Ms. Roommate’s FIRST roommate, who found living with this wench unendurable. It doesn’t seem fair that my daughter should be inconvenienced more than she already has been. Why can’t Ms. Roommate be asked to move? This young woman has a blatant disregard for others – a blatant disregard for PROPRIETY. She should be held accountable for repeatedly breaking the rules, and causing so much distress to her suitemates.

Anyway, I later spoke to the Resident Director, who then arranged a meeting with the suitemates. The resolution to the situation is that Ms. Roommate’s boyfriend can only visit once a month (I was initially told that her guest privileges would be revoked for the rest of the year), and if he isn’t registered as a guest, he will be escorted off campus by the police. I’ll believe it when I see it.

In other troublesome news, I recently became aware of the fact that my divorce agreement contains an item that is contrary to legal emancipation standards. The agreement states that living away from home while attending college is a condition of emancipation, and, therefore, a reason to discontinue child support. I have since discovered that other divorced mothers are entitled to child support until their children are out of college. I did some research and found this: If a child leaves home to attend college but remains dependent on the parents for support, there is no emancipation. E.g., Anderson v. Loper, 689 So. 2d 118 (Ala. Civ. App. 1996) How about that.What I’d like to know is how such a significant (and costly!) error escaped my divorce attorney’s notice. I’ll be composing a letter asking that very question.Song of the Day: Screwed by Mommyheads


One Response to “Grrrrrrrrr!”

  1. yaketyyak said

    Stefani – 2006-03-24 07:08:32
    I hope both situations are rectified immediately. Poor Becca! Dorm life is one of the best things about college. I hope the rest of her college years more than make up for this dingbat of a roommate. (Where people get such a feeling of entitlement is beyond me!)
    Bex – 2006-03-24 07:14:08
    I cam sympathize. I had a similar situation when I was 18 – not at college but at my job after highschool in Boston. I rented a tiny studio apartment and got a roommate whom I had not known before. She barged in, took over, had boys (sailors actually) sleeping there with her (in one tiny room) and finally I signed the place over to her and moved out myself… I know it was the coward’s way to go, but I moved to Washington, D.C. then to be nearer my future husband, so I didn’t want to stay anyway. A bad roommate is the pits! My sympathies to Rebecca and to you! Although if it got your mind off your heachace, I suppose that’s a plus????
    debbie – 2006-03-24 07:34:24
    whoa. maybe i mean woe. whew. maybe i mean shoe. find one or two. toss lightly my way. i’ll go practice my aim until sheer perfection. 😉
    Carol – 2006-03-24 08:30:34
    My daughter had a roomate like that. Not so much a boyfriend thing but she took over, ate my daughter’s food, had my daughter doing HER laundry and was such a slob. I couldn’t even walk in the room for all the mess. She also wore my daughter’s clothes without permission my daughter took to sleeping in other dorm rooms so the girl ended up having a room of her own. This girl even dressed for the next and slept in her clothes all night so she wouldn’t have to get up so early in the morning. Unfortunatly my daughter dropped out school and she had a 4 year scolarship. Ack! Hope Rebecca gets this worked out.
    bb – 2006-03-24 09:02:26
    Rebecca and her other roomies need some agressiveness training.
    LA – 2006-03-24 09:19:59
    That was one of the first things I asked my lawyer, if Alex would be left high and dry. She said he wasn’t entitled to child support per se, but his tuition and whatever else we’ve been covering for him like dorm and meals, car insurance, living allowance, etc HAD to be maintained until he graduated as it was an established child related expense. And that Wolf’s college could be written into the divorce agreement the same way. My sons WILL get their education despite their father’s wandering dick. Sorry your lawyer fell down on the job. As for the horrible roommate, I agree that the college should be doing more and so should the girls themselves. When locked out of the room there should be an immediate call to campus security. They also might try locking Lover Girl and her stud out of the room and see what happens. Selfish people never voluntarily change. If they cared what their actions did to other people they wouldn’t be so horrible in the first place. Much like a certain president and his pals. ~LA
    Sunshyn – 2006-03-24 10:52:52
    I can top Becca’s roomie problems. I spent 1988 in, um, “rehab” (of the locked variety maintained by the state), and one of my roommates was, um, gay, and HER stud was always there, AND they, um, did it with me and the other roomie in the room. No college officials to complain to there, and gay roomie had a lot of juice with the, um, officers, and they never messed with her. I was SO happy when they finally let her out. The room I had BEFORE that room, they were dealing heroin…
    Jenn – 2006-03-24 14:27:14
    I was a Resident Assistant — can you talk to him/her? OR have Rebecca do it? They work FOR the RD and I know keep a closer eye on the suites if alerted to do so. I would totally have her call campus police — then the RA HAS to get involved because they have to write an incident report. All reports usually go to Judicial Review Boards….then something might happen!
    victorvic – 2006-03-24 17:58:28
    ~V~ THE HELL WITH THAT….!!!! IF HE DOESNT BELONG THERE, HE NEEDS TO GO, FOOD TAKEN OUT OF THE FRIDGE!!!!…..OoooH No!….. we cant have that S*IT GOING ON!!!…, and if they feel the need then i am sure there are places for them to go and be all over each other!!!…. what you think?…, and to move again….. WHY!!!!, STAND THE HELL UP….. make the other move!!!!, she there to learn right?, then why should her attn: , be TAKEN away from that due to these fools,,that feel they are at the holiday inn!!! GRRRRRRRRRR!!!!…… GET EM GIRL!!! 🙂 ~V~
    Denver doug – 2006-03-25 02:20:42
    They get ya’ comin’ and goin’ don’t they ? I do so hope that both matters get settled to you and Becca’s satisfaction. Her Dad’s attitude ? About his flesh and blood ? GRRRRRR
    Jim – 2006-03-25 09:02:12
    Now that college has been officially notified, I would suggest that Rebecca should document everything and call the RD or campus security at any future infraction. You might also tell the college that this boyfriend situation is creating a sexually hostile environment and threaten a civil rights complaint.

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