Garden Party

I got my camera back, so, as promised, here are the photos of the carrot cake (decorated with fresh flowers), and my new bed ensemble (It looks better in person, and you can’t see the bedskirt, which is striped):

I have some more pictures I want to post. These were taken at the Botanical Gardens yesterday. A little birdie joined us during our picnic lunch, and had the cheek to hop over and steal something from my plate..

Highlights of our visit included the rose garden:

the sculptures by Henry Moore,

and “Darwin’s Garden.” (The first shot is a recreation of Darwin’s window looking out on the garden.)

It would have been a wonderful day if not for the oppressive heat. It’s much too early for it to be so hot. According to the forecast, it’s supposed to be 97 tomorrow and 98 on Tuesday. I hate this weather.

Song of the Day: Octopus’s Garden by The Beatles

Inka Dinka Doo

During a faculty meeting yesterday, I was using a pen to scratch the maddening itch I’ve been living with for several days now. I didn’t even realize I was doing it until I happened to look down. Naturally, the pen wasn’t capped. My jeans are ruined (and they’re my favorite pair, of course).

Can I scream now?

Song of the Day: Inka Dinka Doo by Jimmy Durante

Beauty Is Only Skin Deep

This past week, the daily essays from Simple Abundance A Day Book of Comfort and Joy, by Sarah Ban Breathnach, have been about inner beauty, and making peace with our physical appearance. This excerpt from March 10th is from an essay titled, You Are Not Your Appearance, But Does the Rest of the World Know That?

The essay begins with this quote from Jessamyn West: “The tragedy of our time is that we are so eye centered, so appearance besotted.”

Breathnach writes, “Let’s consider those days when you just don’t give a damn or are too exhausted to remember to pick up a brush. Can we find inspiration in dirty jeans, an unwashed face, stringy hair? Can there be incarnational revelations when the skirt is too tight and the pantyhose pulls at your hips?

I hope so. For I know those days, and those days know me.”

Those days know me, too. The last few weekends have found me, for the most part, in slob mode. Some days, I haven’t bothered to shower or get dressed. Or, if I do get dressed, it’s in sweatpants and sweatshirt. Glamour has left the building. It’s all about the comfort, baby.

This passage, in particular, stuck a responsive chord, and is responsible for this entry.

“Unfortunately, our outside packaging counts for far more than it really should. Often, when we don’t live up to the world’s expectations of how we should look or behave, we fall victim to a vicious circle of self-loathing and denial that can be difficult to escape from unscathed.”

Back in the Dairy-x days (circa 2002) I wrote an entry based on “the world’s expectations of how we should look or behave.” For lack of anything better to offer, I’m going to re-post it here.

Body Language

So, Spice Girl, “Posh,” who up until a year or so ago feigned indignation over rumors of anorexia, finally admitted that she had an eating disorder. Well, no kidding. Did she really expect us to believe she looks this way naturally? And, while we’re at it, Lara Flynn Boyle should ‘fess up, too.

Many celebrities have publicly acknowledged their eating disorders. They include Princess Di, Tracey Gold, Elton John and the Barbi twins. Much is being done to educate people about the dangers of eating disorders, and to emphasize the importance of a healthier acceptance of our bodies, but we still have a long way to go.

Believe it or not, there are websites PROMOTING anorexia. Anorexic Annie thinks she is “grossly obese” at five foot three and one hundred ten pounds. She wants to look like R.E.M.’s Michael Stipe (!!!), and says she knows her life would be better if she “got rid of about thirty pounds and got down to eighty.” My heart breaks for this girl. And for all the other girls/women who want to look like Ichabod Crane.

I don’t get it. On second thought, maybe I do. We are under constant pressure to conform to an impossible image of what is beautiful. The standards we’re trying to live up to are unrealistic, unreasonable and unhealthy. Yet, we continue to starve ourselves.

I’ve been there and done that myself. Extreme dieting landed me in the hospital many years ago. When the doctor brought me the results of my blood work, he compared them to those of an Ethiopian. I was lucky. That was all it took to convince me to pick up my fork and resume eating. However, others are not so fortunate. Many victims of eating disorders suffer reduction of bone density and hair loss. They risk heart failure. Some of them die. (Karen Carpenter.)

I wish I could say that I’ve managed to develop a better body image over the years, but I haven’t. Nevertheless, because of my daughters, I make a real effort to not obsess about weight (aloud, at any rate). They see enough of that sort of thing outside the home.

Too often, I find myself having to perform damage control. At the beginning of last summer, my oldest daughter told me that when people see her in shorts, they comment on the size of her legs, and how they don’t match her slim upper body (poor kid is built like me). To add insult to injury, a friend’s mother is one of those who made an insulting remark.

Apparently, Mrs. Knucklehead was telling her daughter what nice, long legs she has, and then turned to Rebecca and told her that hers are fat. (This from a crackhead with no teeth! Please excuse my momentary lapse in tact. I’m only human.) I felt terrible, but all I could do was try to assure my daughter that she’s beautiful.

Of course, she doesn’t believe me. Because she carries a few extra pounds, she thinks she is unattractive, and that’s scary. It is also scary for me to consider my own hypocrisy. For, in spite of everything I know, and everything I’ve written here, I continue to be dissatisfied with my body. I need to practice what I preach and learn to feel good about myself from the inside. Unfortunately, self-acceptance is as bloody a battle as any I ever had with weight.

Song of the Day: Under Par by Thrice

“It’s my life!
you set the bar too high
your expectations have become my failure”

Crazy Eights

I saw this meme over at Kitchen Logic Kathy’s place and tucked it away for future reference. Now seems to be a good time bring it out and dust it off because I am in desperate need of distraction. The pain is so bad this morning, it made me cry, not so much because it hurts so bad (even though it does), but because of the unrelenting nature of the pain. I can’t keep going like this without any relief in sight.

On to the meme.

8 Things I’m Passionate About

1. My daughters, Rebecca and Leigh

2. My husband, Daniel

3. Other family members

4. Ellie and Penny (our dogs)

5. Friends

6. Books

7. Music

8. Knitting

8 Things I Want to Do Before I Die

1. Be pain-free

2. Be financially secure

3. Be a grandma

4. Be a great-grandma

5. Knit Christmas stockings for my grands and greats

6. Visit Italy

7. Housebreak Penny

8. Enjoy a long retirement

8 Things I Say Often

1. F**k!

2. S**t!

3. C**k-s*****g motherf***er! (I blame my potty mouth on chronic pain.)

4. Ah-boo (I don’t know what it means, but it makes Penny deliriously happy.)

5. She’s a belly girl in a belly world. (This does for Ellie what ah-boo does for Penny.)

6. Where’s my theracane?

7. Pee pee poo poo OUTSIDE! (Penny refuses to be housebroken.)

8. Pain is a four letter word.

8 Books I’ve Read Recently

1. At present, I am reading The Last Days of Dogtown by Anita Diamont

2. Water For Elephants by Sarah Gruen

3. Odd Thomas by Dean Koontz

4. Duma Key by Stephen King

5. Body and Soul by Frank Conroy

6. Emma by Jane Austen

7. Skylight Confessions by Alice Hoffman

8. Bel Canto by Ann Patchett

8 Songs I Could Listen to Over and Over (These are not in any particular order, and are subject to change without notice.)

1. You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away by The Beatles

2. Street Spirit (Fade Out) by Radiohead

3. Let’s Stay Together by Al Green

4. Thunder Road by Bruce Springsteen

5. The Magnificent Seven by The Clash

6. Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello

7. Lover I Don’t Have to Love by Bright Eyes

8. My December by Linkin Park

8 Things That Attract Me to My Best Friends

1. Sense of Humor

2. Intelligence

3. Compassion

4. Humanity

5. Similarity of interests

6. Willingness to be silly now and then

7. Being a kindred spirit

8. Respect for the earth and its inhabitants

8 People I Think Would Have Really Interesting Answers for Crazy 8s

1. John Lennon

2. Stephen King

3. Phyllis Diller

4. John Irving

5. The Artist Formerly Known As Prince

6. Antonio Banderas

7. Truman Capote

8. Aretha Franklin

Song of the Day: Eight Days a Week by The Beatles

I Ought to Be in Pictures

Here’s another photo meme I pinched from Lisa.

Instructions:

Use Photobucket (or flickr or Google images, or whatever) to search for images.

1. Type your answer to each question into Photobucket’s (or Google Image’s) search box.

2. Choose a picture from the first page of results and post it with the answer.

3. You can’t copy the pictures the person who posted before you used.

1. The age you will be on your next birthday:

2. A place you’d like to travel to:

3. Your favorite place:

4. Your favorite object (I heart my ipod!)

5. Your favorite food:

6. Your favorite animal (It’s amazing how much this dog looks like our Ellie!):

7. Your favorite color:

8. Your hometown:

9. The state in which you live:

10. The name of a past pet:

10. A dream come true:

11. Your nickname (Back in high school, a friend’s little brother called me Wild Eyes. It’s the only nickname I’ve ever had.):

12. Your middle name:

13. Your last name:

14. Your bad habit:

15. Your first job:

16. Your grandmother’s name:

Song of the Day: Every Picture Tells a Story  by Rod Stewart

Una Palabra

My Friend picked me up for our breakfast date at 9:30 yesterday morning. Just before she got here, my stomach started to bother me. Still, I was able to eat half of an omelet, and a few bites of the pancakes that came with my meal.

After leaving the restaurant, we headed for Sam’s Club. My stomach had stopped hurting, and I was feeling fine until we were on our way back to my house. Suddenly, a wave of nausea hit, and I knew I was going to vomit. Fortunately, I managed to hold out until I got home.

When the upchucking was over, I crawled into bed, slept for a few hours, got up, had a cup of tea, and then went back to bed with a book (Bel Canto.) I read until my eyes were heavy enough to stay closed, and slept straight through until morning.

I’m still feeling a bit queasy, but am hoping to go out tonight to help LA celebrate her birthday (which is tomorrow). As an experiment, I just ate some toast to see if I can keep it down. In the meantime, I’m going to do this one word meme I saw over at Sunshyn’s place.

The Rule Is: You Can Only Type One Word Answers.

1. Where is your cellphone? Dunno.
2. Boyfriend/girlfriend? Hermaphrodite?
3. Your hair? Roots!
4. Your mother? Ann.
5. Your father? Frank.
6. Your favorite thing? ThingTwo.
7. Your dream last night? Dry.
8. Your favorite drink? Pepto-Bismol.
9. Your dream car? Batmobile.
10. The room you’re in? Family.
11. Your family? Room.
12. Your fear? Barfing.
13. Where were you last night? SickLand.
14. What you’re NOT right now? Skydiving.
15. Muffins? Wonderbra.
16. One of your wish list items? Megabucks.
17. Where you grew up? MyTown.
18. The last thing you did? Flush.
19. What are you wearing? Bathrobe.
20. What’s on TV? Remote.
21. Your pet or pets? Shit-listed.
22. Your computer? Dinosaur.
23. Your life? Merry-go-round.
24. Your mood? Uncertain.
25. Missing someone? Mark.
26. Your car? Relic.
27. Your eyes? Green.
28. Like someone? You.
29. Favorite color? All.
30. When is the last time you laughed? 2:17pm.

Song of the Day: The Word  by The Beatles

Defrocked Rock

I lifted this CD cover meme from Lisa over at Analyzing My Delusions.

If you want to give it a try, follow these instructions:

1. Go here. The first article title on the page is the name of your band.

2. Go here. The last four words of the last quote are the title of your album.

3. Go here. The third picture, no matter what it is, is your album cover.

Here are my results:

By the way, the issue discussed in yesterday’s entry has been resolved. After giving the information I sent him careful consideration, The Ex has decided that he won’t ask me to pay child support while Leigh is living with him. If the threat of petitioning the court for back support hadn’t worked in my favor, I would have referred him to my readers’ comments. Heh.

Song of the Day: Trap Door  by Ozzy Osbourne

And it Poured Sweet and Clear

I saw this end of the year meme over at Jeanette’s place, and decided to swipe it.

1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before? Hung out with soap stars.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don’t make New Year’s resolutions because I don’t have any desire to beat myself up over failing to stick to them.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? In August, my niece gave birth to a beautiful baby boy named Brody Mark.

4. Did anyone close to you die? No, but I continue to mourn the loss of my brother, Mark, who died in October 2006.

5. What countries did you visit? The only countries I visited in 2007 were in books and magazines.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? Money.

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? December 1st because that’s when I hung out with the aforementioned soap stars.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Making friends with soap stars.

9. What was your biggest failure? Not winning the lottery.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I continue to struggle with pain related to a herniated disc in the lumbar spine and related sciatica. The injury occurred on December 13, 2006.

11. What was the best thing you bought? Monavie! Since I started drinking the juice, I’ve noticed a renewed vitality, and my mental clarity has improved, as well. I no longer wake up at night because of acute arthritic pain in my left knee, or the excruciating leg and foot cramps that plagued me for so long.  It is also very exciting for me to have found something that relieves my Fibromyalgia symptoms after suffering for so many years. Yippee!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My daughters. Leigh has really stepped up, and her performance in college this year has been admirable. She is currently looking into transferring to another school for veterinary science. Rebecca has also excelled scholastically, and will be studying abroad in Australia next semester.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? George W. Bush.

14. Where did most of your money go? Mortgage payments and college tuition.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Hanging out with soap stars! (Are you seeing a pattern here?)

16. What song will always remind you of 2007? Landslide by Stevie Nicks:

Can the child within my heart rise above
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life
Mmm mmm I don’t know

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? Happier
b) thinner or fatter? About the same, give or take a few pounds.
c) richer or poorer? Poorer. I lost a fair amount of income due to being out on a work-related injury.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Reading. I blame my obsession with knitting for that.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Cleaning up Penny’s messes. She refuses to be house trained.

20. How did you spend Christmas? Like this.

21. Did you fall in love in 2007? Does my crush on Hugh Laurie count?

22. What was your favorite TV program? It’s a tie between General Hospital and House, the only shows I watch regularly.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? No, but I’m still mad at Brad Pitt.

24. What was the best book you read? See #18. I have  read some  books, but can’t think of any worth mentioning… Oh, wait! I know! Joan Didion’s The Year of Magical Thinking.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? Raising Sand by Robert Plant and Allison Krauss

26. What did you want and get? A gift certificate for 3 one-hour massages!

27. What did you want and not get? Money.

28. What was your favorite film of this year? I haven’t seen many movies – in fact, the only one I can remember seeing at the theater is Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I didn’t do anything except turn 53 years old.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? MONEY! (Another pattern?)

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?

Viking helmets are in.

32. What kept you sane? Getting to be insane at work.


33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? See # 21.

34. What political issue stirred you the most? The assassination of Benazir Bhutto.

35. Who did you miss? My brother, Mark.

36. Who was the best new person you met? I’ll bet you thought I was going to say soap star Bradford Anderson, didn’t you? While I am  delighted to have met him, the best new person I met in 2007 was LA. I’m also very glad to have been able to meet Mary and Joe, and my Bradford buddy, Allison. It was a very  good year for making friends.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007. I learned that it is very important to make sure there is more life in my life.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

But now the days grow short,
I’m in the autumn of the year
And now I think of my life
as vintage wine from fine old kegs
From the brim to the dregs,
and it poured sweet and clear
It was a very good year.

I wish all of you many blessings that pour sweet and clear in the New Year, and always.

Happy 2008!

Song of the Day: It Was a Very Good Year  by Frank Sinatra

Not So Sweet Dreams

The other night, I dreamt that I was standing outside at dawn, watching thousands of bats fly into my house.  My hands were on my face, and the words “Oh my God” came out of my mouth over and over.

This is what the bats looked like.

*Photo courtesy of Allposters.com.

This is what I looked like.

*Photo courtesy of homepage.newschool.edu.

Song of the Day:  Welcome To My Nightmare  by Alice Cooper

Reading:  Ten Days in the Hills by Jane Smiley, Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert and To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee

The World According to AARP

Today is my birthday. I am ffffffifty-three years old.  Gulp.

Happy birthday to me!

Song of the Day: It’s My Birthday by The Vandals