Enough is Enough

A lot has happened since I last posted here.  Right before I went back to work in early September, my grandmother was admitted to the hospital.  She was there for quite some time, and it was touch and go for a while.  She ended up getting a pacemaker.  As you can imagine, that was a very stressful time.

Last month, I participated in our annual  “Dress Up As A Literary Character Day”  at work.  I went as Jacob Marley from A Christmas Carol, by Charles Dickens.  What a trip that was.

On Tuesday, the husband of a much loved co-worker died unexpectedly.  I went to the shiva house after work on Friday, and was dismayed to see how frail and fragile my co-worker looks.  She and her husband were married for 41 years, and they were incredibly devoted to each other.  My heart aches for her, as it does for my darling LA, her fiancée, and his family as they deal with the very recent loss of Mick’s grandmother.   Please keep them all in your thoughts and prayers.

A little over a week ago, my father had a total knee replacement.  At present, he is in a rehabilitation facility for physical therapy, which means that my 98 year-old grandmother is alone.  Michele, Mike and I have been running around like those proverbial chickens with their heads cut off.  I am beyond exhausted, and in extraordinary pain.  I don’t know how I’m going to walk to work every morning this week (Daniel is visiting his family in Canada)… The walk home isn’t too bad, but I am especially stiff and achy in the morning.  This is going to be very difficult for me.

Yesterday, Leigh had to go to a walk-in clinic because she thought she had a UTI. Turns out that she has an unusually high amount of protein in her urine, which the doctor said can be indicative of kidney disease.   He wants her to follow up with a urologist.

To top things off, Tuesday will mark the third anniversary of my brother’s death.

As I said on Facebook, my “downer” quota has been filled for the month.  No more, please.

Song of the Day:  Downer by Nirvana

It’s Not Easy Being Green

I had an appointment with Dr. Spine Specialist yesterday to review the results of my latest MRI.  I already knew that I have a herniated disc in my lumbar spine.  What I didn’t know is that I have three of them.  I also have quite a bit of arthritis, as well as a fair amount of scar tissue in the area of the discectomy that was performed back in 2004.  All of these things contribute to my lower back pain.

Dr. Spine Specialist mentioned surgery as an option, and warned me that it will be a more complicated procedure this time because it will involve spinal fusion.  Umm, no thanks.    Not unless I absolutely can’t bear the pain any longer.

Before I left his office, Dr. Spine Specialist gave me an autographed copy of his book.   Thanks, doc.  See you again in five months.

I can’t believe summer “vacation” is almost over.  I use the word “vacation” loosely because I didn’t do any vacationing this year.  What a bummer.  I did get to the beach on Monday, but it was just the Long Island Sound at Hammonasset State Park in Connecticut.  It was brutally hot, and, when I tried to go in the water to cool off, I had to turn back because the bottom was so rocky I was afraid I would lose my footing.  So, I sat there in the sweltering heat for four hours, and ended up with a sunburn, despite wearing a large straw hat and heavy applications of sunblock.   I’m really hoping to get to the ocean before I go back to work, but I’m not feeling very optimistic about that happening.

At least my daughter, Rebecca, got to go away on vacation.  She and her boyfriend just got back from a wonderfully adventurous trip to Mexico.

They snorkeled on the reef and in a cenote, saw the ruins of Tulum, and went zip lining and rappelling.

While I am truly happy for Becca, I also have to admit that I am green with envy.  Sigh.

Song of the Day:  It’s Not Easy Being Green by Kermit the Frog

God Shed His Grace on Thee

A few years ago, a co-worker/friend was involved in a terrible car accident.   The car in which she was a passenger was hit head on by a drunk driver.

Felicia suffered severe head injuries, and was in a coma for 8 months.  Against all odds, she came out of the coma, but she will never be the same.

Felicia has three children, ages 9, 13, and 16.  They are currently on America’s Got Talent.   This clip isn’t the best quality, but it is incredibly moving.  I’ve been sitting here watching and crying (along with Sharon Osborne) for half an hour.

God bless you and your family, Felicia.

In other news, Daniel will become a U.S. citizen today.  When he went for his citizenship test in NYC a few weeks ago, he told the examiner, “After marrying my wife, this will be the greatest honor of my life.”

Congratulations, Daniel!  (I’ve been calling him Mr. America.)

Song of the Day: America the Beautiful

Sitting Like a Princess Perched in Her Electric Chair

Wow, it sure has been a long time since I last posted here.  I think this is my longest hiatus since I started an online journal back in August of 2001.  There are a few reasons for my silence.  One is that I’ve been pretty tied up with an unhappy situation one of my sisters is dealing with.   The past few months have been physically and emotionally draining.

Another reason is that I just haven’t felt like going to the trouble of posting here.   When I do feel the need to make public mention of certain happenings, I do it on Facebook.  This appeals to me because I can do it in as few words as possible, without having to tax my brain trying to come up with an entire entry.  I’ve become a lazy blogger.

Speaking of Facebook, this social networking site has enabled me to make some new friends, as well as reconnect with some old and very dear friends.  One of those people is Joanne.  Her association with our family goes back to childhood.  She and my sister, Patti, were very good friends, and Joanne spent a lot of time at our house, and even traveled to our summer cottage in the Berkshires with us.  I was delighted when I recently received a Facebook friend request from her.  (She now lives in Virginia.)

I’ve been posting Youtube clips (like this one) all week, and Joanne left this comment the other day:  “God, you bring back memories…. [Singing] Someone saved my life tonight at the top of our lungs while you were getting ready to go to that place in New Paltz…. What was the name of it???? Some of my fondest memories are being at the Perri’s.”

Her remarks conjured up some fond memories of my own, and I went in search of photos.   I had a laughing fit when I came across this pic of Patti dressed up as Elton John.

My siblings and I loved to “dress up.”  Actually, I loved to dress other people up.  Unfortunately, most of the photographic evidence is stored in huge Rubbermaid bins in the basement, and I don’t have the stamina to sort through them right now.  It’s really too bad because there are some great shots of Mark and Mike dressed up as Robert Plant and Jimmy Page from Led Zeppelin, and Mike as King Tut and Mark as a mummy…  Oh well, I’ll get around to it someday… In the meantime, here are a few photos that were in albums, and therefore easier to locate.

This is Patti dressed up as a mime.

Punked out Michele.  (You can’t see them in this pic, but there are safety pins all over the shirt.)

Mark and Mike, and then Frank, as Gumbys.

We even dressed up our snowmen!

Those really were the days…

Reading:  The Shell Seekers by Rosamunde Pilcher

Song of the Day:  Someone Saved My Life Tonight by Elton John

Nokay

I received an email from Sunshyn this morning asking if I’m okay.  I appreciate her concern, but, the truth is, I’m not okay.  Here’s why.

1. Scary headache – Day 31 (not to mention all the other pain).
2. One of my sisters is in crisis, and she is at my house almost every day.  I want to be here for her, but it is draining and stressful, to say the least.
3. I still haven’t found out whether or not I’ll be working summer school, which starts on Tuesday.  It’s not looking good.  This is a potentially catastrophic situation, financially.  I am sick over it.

Song of the Day:  I’m Not Okay by My Chemical Romance

Sha na na na, sha na na na na

My brother, Mark, would have been 42 years old today.  These “significant days” are harder to bear than regular ones.  Mark’s twin, Mike, will have his own particular pain to deal with today.   My heart goes out to him, and to my parents and other siblings.  We all miss Mark so much.

As for physical pain, I’ve been suffering even more than usual lately.  The worst of it is that the scary headaches are back.  Living with chronic pain takes so much out of me.  By the time I get home from work, I’m too exhausted, both physically and mentally, to do much of anything.  Weekends aren’t much better, although I do push myself to get out of the house as much as possible.  It’s too easy to fall into a depression when I’m trapped inside for long periods of time.    It’s bad enough to be trapped in this pain-ravaged body.  I need all the distractions I can get.

Something else that is causing me stress (which adds to the pain) is that I will only be receiving one more paycheck until September.  This is quite disturbing because we can’t live on Daniel’s salary alone.   I applied for summer school about a month ago, and have been anxiously awaiting word about whether or not I got the job.

On Wednesday, My Friend informed me that she had received an email from the summer school principal informing her that she had been recommended to teach summer school.   I became distressed upon hearing that, and emailed the principal to ask if a decision had been made about the summer school Teaching Assistant position.  I reminded her that I have held the position since it was created, with the exception of the past two summers when I was unable to work because of back pain that was the result of a work-related incident.   (It should also be noted that the principal at the time the TA position was first created lobbied for it with me in mind.)

Ms. Summer School principal responded to my email by asking how many years I held the position, and saying that she has to check the “union issue.”  I suppose that means that the person who was assigned the position during the summers when I was unable to work has applied for it again this year.  However, it is my understanding that seniority is a factor, so I should get the assignment.  Also, I should not be penalized because I was unable to work due to an injury I sustained on the job.

I am a nervous wreck about this situation.  If I don’t get the summer school position, we are up the creek without a paddle.  Even if I do work summer school, it will only be 16 hours a week for six weeks.  We still won’t be able to make ends meet.  But, without that extra money, we will be in serious trouble.

All positive thoughts will be much appreciated.

Song of the Day:  Get a Job by The Silhouettes

Nothing but the Dead and Dying Back in My Little Town

Yesterday, questioning of a rape suspect at the Sheriff’s headquarters turned into a three hour standoff.  The suspect grabbed a detective’s gun and fired.  The bullet grazed a detective’s head.  The suspect then barricaded himself in an unoccupied office.  About three hours later, he shot and killed himself.  Streets in the area were shut down for hours, and residents were evacuated.   This is the fifteenth shooting in My Little Town since the beginning of the year.  Fifteen shootings in less than five months.  I feel like I’m living in the Wild West.

In more pleasant news, I went on an architectural Art Deco walking Tour of Manhattan a couple of weeks ago, and thoroughly enjoyed it (although I most definitely did not enjoy the resulting pain).  We visited the Daily News building, the old GE building (it was like Oz inside) the Waldorf-Astoria, Rockefeller Center, and, my favorite, the Chrysler Building.

I had another positive experience last weekend when I attended a Reiki training session given by My Friend.  During the attunement, I was amazed to feel a powerful surge of energy flow through my fingers. This is some seriously cool stuff.

I’m running late on time, but before I go I want to wish Daniel a very Happy Birthday!

Song of the Day:  My Little Town by Simon & Garfunkel

Calamity Jane

Poor Rebecca has suffered one hardship after another since she moved.  For starters, her brand new GPS was stolen from the glove department of her car that was parked in the driveway of her new apartment her very first night there.  To add insult to injury, she realized a day later that her ipod had been stolen, as well.  Not only is this a monetary loss, but she had 5,000 songs on the mp3 player.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, she called yesterday to tell me about her latest catastrophe.  Because their cable won’t be hooked up until Tuesday, Rebecca and Matt don’t have Internet service.  Rebecca had two papers due for school that needed to be emailed to her professors.  So, she went to the local library to use one of their computers.

She began with four handwritten pages.  After heavy revisions and additions, she ended up with eleven typed pages and was ready to email them.  Suddenly, a message popped up on the monitor announcing that the computer would shut down in ten seconds.  Rebecca watched in horror as all her hard work disappeared.

In tears, she sought help from a librarian.   The woman logged Rebecca back on, but her work was gone.  (Many public computers have programs that wipe everything out upon shut down.)  Rebecca asked why the computer would turn itself off after only fifty minutes, when each person is supposed to get an hour.  The librarian then told Rebecca that a couple of the computers shut themselves off sooner than they are supposed to.  Ummm, wouldn’t you think that it might be a good idea to put notes on those malfunctioning computers to alert the users that they only have fifty minutes instead of sixty?

I feel so sorry for my daughter.  Good thoughts and positive energy sent her way would be greatly appreciated.

As for my other daughter, I took a personal day yesterday so her father and I could help Leigh move out of her dorm and back home for the summer.  The two hour drive (each way) was quite pleasant, thanks to the nice weather and pretty scenery.   Today, on the other hand, doesn’t look like it will turn out to be so good.  I woke up with a super duper headache.

As luck would have it, I have an appointment with my hairdresser.  I really don’t feel like going.   Besides the aching head, my hair hasn’t yet recovered from the scalping it suffered in April.

I’d reschedule for next weekend, but have other plans for Saturday, so I’ll have to keep this appointment.  Oh well.  I guess I could use a little color touch-up.

Have a good weekend.

Song of the Day:   The Calamity by Trivium

Reading:  An American Childhood by Annie Dillard

She Leaves and Heaves a Sigh and Says Goodbye

Today is going to be pretty low-key.  Leigh is still away at college, and Rebecca is getting ready to move on Tuesday.   To add insult to injury, she’s taking my new “grandson” with her.  Meet Dexter the adorable corgi.

Rebecca will be taking a break from her packing to spend some time with me this afternoon.  I invited my mother over for lunch (salmon and pasta salad), and Becca will be joining us.   It’s kind of sad to be bidding my daughter a fond farewell on Mother’s Day.   The sting is lessened, however, because she’ll still be around for a while.  She’s going to come back twice a week for summer and fall classes at a local SUNY school.   There’s nothing comparable in the area she’s moving to, so she decided to commute until she completes her Bachelor’s degree.  I don’t know what she’s going to do about her Master’s, but I’m sure she’ll work something out.

I’m amazed at how quickly Becca and Matt were able to put this move together.  At first, it looked like it was going to be difficult to find a decent apartment, especially one that allows pets.    They were very disheartened after looking at one unsatisfactory place after another.   But then fortune smiled upon them, and they found an apartment they really like.  I hope they will be very happy there.

Goodbye and good luck, my dear daughter!  (Becca is in the front of the photo.)

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mother’s out there.

Song of the Day:  So Long, Farewell from The Sound of Music

Flying the Coop

Rebecca’s boyfriend has been working at the local Outback Steakhouse for ten years.  He started as a server and worked his way up to kitchen manager.  The next step was to become a proprietor.  A few days ago, he was offered proprietorship of an Outback about three hours from here.  He has to move to the new location within three weeks.

Accepting this offer means that Matt’s salary will be doubled.  In fact, at the age of 28, he will be earning more than Daniel and I do combined.

Rebecca and Matt’s relationship is very serious.  I fully believe that they will get married.  So, it comes as no surprise that Rebecca is going to move with her boyfriend.

Of course, I am thrilled for Matt.  This is an incredible opportunity.  On the other hand, I am feeling very emotional about having to say goodbye to my daughter.

I am well aware of the fact that children grow up and move away from home.  I know that this is a normal part of life, and parents all over the world have to deal with similar situations.  In many cases, children move much farther away.  But knowing these things doesn’t make it any easier for me.

I love having an empty nest.  I just wish my wings weren’t clipped (by not driving) so that I could fly away to visit more often than I will be able to.  The train ride is five hours long, and that’s very difficult for me to endure because of my pain.  So I won’t be seeing my firstborn daughter very often.

My heart hurts.

Song of the Day: Empty Nest Theme Song